The Struggle of Finding Genuine Friendships within Christian Community

This one’s been in my drafts for quite a while, but here it finally is! I might post a second one again today to continue clearing the drafts out in preparation of summer!

Does being a Christian ever feel just plain lonely to you? Do you feel like you’re the only person your age who truly loves and follows the Lord? I’m not surprised if you answered yes to these questions. Jesus told us “if the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you” (John 15:18), and in 1st John (3:13), John says, “do not be surprised, brethren, if the world hates you.” So even though it isn’t a surprise, it can still feel sad sometimes.

I have really good family and friends in my life. I am so thankful for them and the roles they have in my life. I am truly so very grateful for my close-knit family and my friends and other Christians who I am surrounded by. So I do not want to overlook them at all. As I try to build more of a community in my own life, though, getting out and seeking new friends, I’ve found it to be rather hard.

It’s not hard to meet new people; there are people all around us. But for me it seems hard to find like-minded people, especially peers, who have the same interests and lifestyle aspirations as I do. That criteria definitely narrows down the options, huh? I definitely am open to new friends who have different beliefs, lifestyles, goals and interests than I do, but it’s important to me to have people in my life who understand where I’m coming from and who can spur me on in my walk with the Lord, too.

I’ve visited young adult groups and have been a part of other activities and such, and I have met some nice people and people I’ve been interested in getting to know better. I feel like most of the places I go as a newcomer, though, I’m not always welcomed on a personal level, at least by very many people. I know there may be some various reasons for this- at a big church the leaders might not know you’re new; at a smaller group with peers social anxiety might hinder people from being super friendly- but it just doesn’t seem right, especially when it’s a church or other group with people who call themselves Christians. I also want true Christian friends who are at a similar level of spiritual maturity (and general maturity) as me and who will spur me on, whom I can look up to, and I seem to be having a hard time finding that among people of the same stage of life that I’m in right now, even though I am trying to look in the right places (like churches).

I’m not saying there are no real followers of Christ any of the places I go. Only God knows the hearts of people. And many people my age, I’m sure, are new to Christianity and these young adult groups I’ve tried out. But once one is saved, there is to be change in the heart and lifestyle. You cannot go on living a sinful lifestyle and be a born-again believer at the same time. A follower of Jesus is to look different from the world. To represent Him. And of course, no Christian is going to be perfect and never struggle with temptation or sin again, but if one doesn’t repent of their sins, they won’t be saved. Sin separates us from God. And repentance means turning away from sinful lifestyles. And some examples of the sinful lifestyles that seem so accepted, even by so-called Christians, include: lying, living with a significant other before marriage, cussing, gossiping, taking the Lord’s name in vain, consuming media like books and movies that are dishonoring to God (such as things that promote sorcery, lust, adultery, etc.), and dressing revealingly, to name just a few. And people would know that these are sinful ways if they continually sought and genuinely knew the Lord; if they read His Word and believed what it says. It’s hard for me to believe someone’s a true believer when, for a few examples, even if in their social media bio is a Bible verse, their profile pic is of them in a skimpy little bikini or their videos have cussing in them, or if someone talks openly about God’s goodness to them but are living in sexual immorality, or other such scenarios.

Am I still working on some struggles with sin even though I’m trying to follow God? Of course! And I am no one’s judge. But we are supposed to be careful who we intentionally hang around and let influence us, and let into our lives. I desire to have people in my life who will help me draw nearer to God and who will keep me accountable. Being a mentor or simply a good example to newer believers is something good for me to do too, but I also feel that it would be nice to be surrounded by more young believers who have good, strong relationships with the Lord and who will pray for me and encourage me in the ways of the Lord. Something like that depicted in Acts, when believers were so brotherly and united in spirit (how the Bible teaches us to be).

When I think about all this, though, I remind myself that God is all I really need. I don’t need more friends. He is the best friend I could ever have, more faithful and loyal than any human could ever be. He is always there for me. He will never give up on me. Even if I lost my good earthly friendships, I would at least still have Him, which is what truly matters. He is my Savior. And what a blessed assurance that is! What a Friend we have in Jesus! I can’t thank Him enough for who He is and what He’s done.

This post was certainly not meant to look down on anyone or point fingers; it’s really just a brain dump to get some thoughts out. (And of course -as always-, it’s only up to the reader whether or not to read anyway!) Thank you for making it this far, and I hope that this can encourage you in some way, whether it’s just knowing you’re not alone in your lonely feelings or inspiring you to be a better friend to the ones you have! And if you’re one of my friends or a fellow believer, THANK YOU. I’m so thankful for you and your obedience to the Lord and the good examples you set for me. I appreciate you so much. <3

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