Showing Up

We tell our friends we’re there for them. We tell our family we love them. We say these nice words to each other, but do we show that we mean them? The saying “actions speak louder than words” generally proves to be very true. We may wish someone well, but then go on our way without giving a second thought as to what we may be able to do to help. We may even send a quick prayer up for a person, which is great, but if there is something we could do to help but turn a blind eye when we could be doing something, what is that saying about us?

You may not realize it, but people will notice when you don’t show your support for them. Maybe not every time. But even though you think someone won’t miss you or notice your absence, there’s a good chance they will notice- and there’s a good chance it will hurt them, and that they will still remember it many years into the future. And your choice not to literally be there for them may not only affect one person- it may hurt more people than you realize. For instance, when someone hurts one of my loved ones, it can hurt me too. (And not that you’re worried about how others may view you, but your reputation may even be marred.)

I think we are hurt deepest by the people we love the deepest. I know I’ve probably hurt my loved ones unintentionally without even realizing it. This isn’t just a reminder to you but myself as well to consider how others might feel when we choose not to show that we care. To think how our actions (or lack of them) could affect the ones we love. How the example we set will be followed by those who look up to us.

As humans, we’re born with a selfish nature. We’re tempted to be lazy, to think of ourselves and put our comfort above more important things in life. We make up excuses. Really lame excuses. Sometimes I wonder why this is so common among those who say that they’re followers of Christ. It’s truly disappointing. As a follower of Christ, I want to be able to look up to older Christians who are mature in their faith and learn from and follow their examples, and while I really do have some good examples in my life, I wish there was more of it surrounding me. If it’s hard for believers to find good examples of willing, cheerful servants of God within their Christian communities, how much more will it be for unbelievers, who don’t seek out places to worship and serve and find Christian community?

Before we leave, I want to give you some ideas of how you can show up for others and support them.

Accept invitations. Sometimes we have responsibilities that are actually pressing and we can’t just walk away from them to go to a party, but if you can’t make it, you can still send a card or email to let them know you appreciate their invitation and wish you could have attended. You must have been important enough to them to have been invited.

Go to games, concerts, shows, and other events where the people in your life are going to be performing. You might not be into listening to classical music, watching golf, or sitting through speeches, but that’s not the part that matters. It’s being a familiar, smiling face in the crowd, a hug at the end, someone who took time out of their day to show that the other person is worth their time and gas money.

Smile and give compliments and get excited for your friends’ accomplishments. Be enthusiastic when your friend’s dreams come true and when they accomplish small victories in their everyday lives. Encourage them with your words and lift them up.

Greet people when they walk in the door. Be happy to see them. Welcome them warmly. It’s not pleasant when a friend seems uninterested in seeing you. It makes me feel good, personally, when someone consistently seems enthusiastic to see me, even if they’re a family member whom I live with and see daily.

Make plans with the special people in your life. Figure out a day and time that will work for them, and choose something to do that you both will enjoy- at least something the other person will enjoy. Offer to drive. Offer to pay. Make that person feel valued by you during your one-on-one time with them.

Visit the elderly, the sick, the lonely. The mom who just had a baby and is still in the hospital. The friend who moved away. Think about what their needs are. Can you pick up something from the store for them? Can you take time to care for them when they need a little extra help? Can you be the patient, listening ear someone is longing for?

Send gifts such as cards, gift cards, flowers, and gift baskets, especially when the occasion calls for it, like a birthday or graduation. Make it personal. Use your own handwriting. Be a little extra.

Don’t forget a birthday. Some people have a hard time remembering dates, but we do have calendars and pens, note apps and reminders we can put into our phones. Birthdays mark the day we were born x amount of years ago. It’s a significant day to show how much someone means to us and celebrate their presence in the world and in our lives. To show how thankful we are for them and how much we appreciate what they do. A simple text shows that we remember their special day and are thinking of them. Gifts and cards are good ways to show love too, even if their new age isn’t a “big one.” Aren’t your loved ones just as special to you when they turn 50 as they are when they turn 51? Yes, you may not have it in the budget to throw a huge, fancy party every year, but if you’re going to throw a party one year, don’t you think you should at least call them the next instead of completely treating the day as if it were any other day?

Can you think of a time where someone didn’t show up for you? Me too. Multiple times. Do you remember how that made you feel? Do you want to be that person who wasn’t there for someone else? Me either. I know love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs, but some things stick, even after you have forgiven. Memories of invitations that weren’t accepted, sports games or even entire seasons where not one person outside the immediate family showed up to cheer you on, birthdays that you received zero cards for… These things stick with you. Or at least they do for me. I’m not bitter and don’t hold onto a grudge, but when I look back I do feel sad, and even disappointed in people. When we choose not to be there for others it can cause them to feel like they’re not worth our time, that whatever else we’re doing instead must be more important to us than their lives, that we don’t care that much about them, and so on.

No one is perfect, no one is always going to be able to make it to everything and be there for everyone, some people have very serious reasons why they may not be able to do something, but I know that we could be doing so much better. So much more. Living not to please ourselves, but for others, and ultimately God. (Romans 15:1-3) Our life on earth is short, and we only have so much time to show our loved ones how much they mean to us, and show the world around us God’s love.

People will let us down. There’s no getting around it. I’m thankful that I have a Friend who is perfect, who is always there for me, who is faithful, who showed me His great, unconditional love even though I don’t deserve it… Today let’s follow His example and go the extra mile -cheerfully- for the people we love, and show them they are worth our time, our energy, our resources. You may never know the impact you’ll have on another human’s life when you put in the effort to make them feel known, wanted, and loved.