Choosing Friends

You may have recently seen my post on finding friends, but I wanted to follow up with ideas on how to choose friends. Anyone could potentially be your friend, but you won’t automatically be friends with everyone. Everybody is different, and that’s ok! Which means you probably won’t find a “perfect” friend who likes all the same things you do and believes all the same things you do and is available for you all the time. This leads me to my first point:

When meeting new people and looking for new friends, try to be open-minded! There are lots of interesting people out there who have cool stories and unique hobbies and can add humor or encouragement to your life! You don’t have to dismiss someone just because they live differently than you. With that being said, I want to encourage you to be careful who you pursue friendships with.

It’s good to have friends who are different than you, but I also want to warn you not to try to “fit in with the crowd”. Be careful who you surround yourself with. Maybe you want to be a good influence on friends, but it can go the other way, too. It’s possible to be influenced by them and start slipping into their not-so-good ways, or even just accepting their sinful ways, even if you’re not doing them. While Jesus ate with tax collectors and conversed with adulteresses, He didn’t accept their sin. If you find yourself starting to use the same language as your friends or pick up other bad habits from them, it might be time to start letting go of some relationships, even if it’s hard. If you’re a follower of Christ and are trying to bring your friends to the Lord, but they aren’t listening and are resisting, it may be time to move on and find friends who will encourage you in the way of the Lord. And if you do have friends who don’t share your faith, it’s definitely a good idea to have friends who do as well.

Another way to be open-minded in choosing friends is finding potential friends in people who aren’t the same age or gender as you. Maybe you’ve always pictured your friends being the same exact age as you, but you can be friends with people older or younger than you! It’s a good idea to have friends your age and gender as well, but older friends can be good role models for you, and you can be a good influence on the younger generation if you befriend the kiddos in your life! And as far as friendships with the opposite gender, that’s a whole separate topic we could get into, but just remember that they’re people too and could make nice friends, even if just for a season in life.

I believe there are different types of friends. There are the close friends you feel like you can be completely yourself with, telling them anything and trusting them with anything, and then there are friends at the places you frequent, like work, school, etc., whom you talk to while you’re there, and maybe hang out with sometimes, but you don’t share everything about your life with. There are friends from the past that we don’t talk to much anymore, but are still connected with in some way, like on social media or by messaging occasionally. There are the friends that you don’t make an effort to see, but when you do see them you talk like you’ve always been close friends. There are multiple types of friends, so it’s ok if your new friends from art class or the gym aren’t going to be your future bridesmaids someday. As I said, be careful who you choose to spend a significant amount of your time with, but be a friend to those in need of one.

One more thing that is important to realize is that the friends you make now might not be friends for life. Some, maybe, but probably not all of them will be by your side at your graduation clear through to your 70th birthday party. I think God puts different people in our lives at different times for different reasons. People change, they go their separate ways, they get busy with their lives… It’s sad, I know, but what we have to do is be grateful in the moment for the people in our current circle and enjoy our time with them right now. Friends come and go, but hopefully you do have that one good friend that you can call your best friend, and who calls you their best friend. If not, you can pray for one, and remember that God is always with you and loves you.

“A man of too many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Proverbs 18:24

Thanks for stopping by, everyone! Let me know your thoughts in a comment, and be on the lookout for more posts on friendship in the coming weeks!